Looking back at the year I went into business for myself, these are some of the ways I learned about possibilities. Here's a piece I wrote back in 2012....
I tell ya, I’d not have believed you a year ago if you told me I’d spend many of my summer mornings looking at my garden while I work. I’d not have believed you if you told me that everything I’ve done has added up to where I am today.
And yet, here I am. And even better? I am still learning.
I have taken on this new chapter with my trademark energy, yet with a level of self-awareness that is helping me pace myself. There is SO much I want to explore, stuff that had been making me ready to burst just a few months ago as I never was able to do them. People I wanted to connect with, work that engaged my mind and challenged me in a positive way towards growth, and an environment that was conducive to all the facets of ME.
Several years ago, I took a “dream job” that I said, this will be my last j.o.b. – meaning, anything after this would have to get me towards my ultimate goal of running my own show. Now at the time, I had no idea what that show looked like – probably because deep down I knew there were more lessons to learn.
And learn I did…
My manager at that j.o.b. reminded me in words very similar to Elizabeth Gilbert: “I am a better person when I have less on my plate.”
Hmm, speaking of, so did my manager at my last job. Working 80 hours a week can be – imagine this – stressful. I remember now to say no more and focus on the most important tasks. Usually. Hey, it’s a work in progress.
I learned what really motivates me, who and what inspires me to want to be more, and what kinds of behavior I just will no longer tolerate.
I learned that no matter what they said I should do, I needed to do what felt right to me -and that those who really mattered would appreciate that. And me.
I learned that if I don’t do it for myself, someone else will do it instead, so dammit, lead the way. Do it the way you want it done.
My beloved mentor reminded me of my strengths. She always told me of my positives. She always made me feel special. She was six feet tall and a thousand miles of heart. I learned about a life that must be led, that it can end, that it will end – so leave it better than you came in.
I learned that while some may not show love, it doesn’t mean *I* should withhold it. Their decision to not show concern, or empathy, or kindness had nothing to do with me – that “not caring can be a limiting choice.” (Tiny Buddha). I knew I was right in this.
And I learned to open myself up to the possibilities in my career. To embrace my confidence. At one point, an executive spoke of many of us having impostor syndrome – and I knew I didn’t fit in with that mentality, because I always believed in my talents. I just needed to figure out how to create a new chapter in my career where I could nurture and be nurtured in a more significant way.
And here I am. New lessons ahead. Pushing towards things like adding definition to skills where I’m rough around the edges, asserting my boundaries and my value, and taking on the technicalities I’d previously shied away from. Continuing to embrace what is at my core. Knowing that who I am now may not be who I am in ten years, but that I gotta love the days in between.
"Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise. " ~Author Unknown
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